Concurrent Adoption

With the long wait for referrals from China, I have been thinking about possibly doing a concurrent adoption with either another country or domestically. Our adoption agency did not allow concurrent adoptions until a couple of months ago.

When the agency first said that they would allow a concurrent adoption we were told that whatever referral came in first, if the referral was accepted, that the other countries paperwork would be pulled and the file closed. There was no way that you could keep your place in line.

Well, we have just received word that now if you apply for a concurrent adoption, you MAY be able to keep your place in line for China, but you MAY be subject to the new guidelines and that would automatically disqualify us from staying in China.

I can't help but feel that we have no control over our family, how we can form our family and IF we can even HAVE a family.

I'm just so disappointed with this entire situation. My whole heart and soul has been in China for over a year now and I know that I have a daughter just waiting to come home to us, but I also want to have more than one child. If we stay in line with China it could be another 4-5 years before we receive a referral--I'll be closer to 50 years old and this will basically be our ONLY opportunity to have a family.

I was so hoping to be able to start a concurrent adoption and possibly have a child home for a year or two and then go to China to bring our daughter home...It's never going to happen that way.

How can I as a mother, (yes...I am a mother right now! I have loved this child for so long...) just give up on my daughter. HOW? How do you tell yourself that it's okay to forget about this child that you have loved for so long, because you were to impatient to wait for her to come home?

How do you then deal with the fact that things are still uncertain with China and you STILL may not get a referral for your child...how do I live with the fact that I put OUR FAMILY on hold when so many things are uncertain.

Am I just shooting myself in the foot?? It just brings up the question that we keep asking ourselves...will we ever be parents...I just don't know.